So I’ve decided to start a some sort of mini-series.
Tentatively, I’m calling it…
Stories and Prayers
Every when will I be posting stories like these for #Worship Sunday? I still don’t know. 🙂
With this series, I will be sharing with you some of my personal struggles and Biblical verses which somehow uplifted my spirits during those dark times.
I decided to share this with all of you, in hopes of sharing a tinge of light and positivity with all of you.
In times of darkness, I believe that we can take refuge under His wings and into His Light.
This post has been in the making for quite some time now because this is quite personal to me but after constant reflections, I’ve finally finished it. Thank you for giving time to read this.
When things don’t go the way you expect them to, it’s easy to sit in the corner and succumb into the darkness. It’s very difficult when we get our hopes up, hoping that everything would pan out well, only to be dropped into the dark abyss.
My father has been working in an international company for about 16 years. Through those long years, he has worked himself up the career ladder, making him the “best next choice” as managing director of that company.
Everything was going very well. His pay was great and it gave us a decent living, he was able to pay for our condo rent, he was able to send us to prestigious schools, he was getting the necessary overseas training to enhance his skills, he was given a company car which was very helpful in getting around the metro where public transportation was terrible, his superiors and fellow employees respected him, and basically he was at the peak of his professional life.
We had high hopes for him. There was a high chance of him becoming that “next in line.” He had all the credentials and support.
Or at least that’s what we thought.
Until it all started going downhill.
He became impulsive, driven by strong emotions, argued with his boss.
It was a war that he, that we thought, we could win.
But we didn’t.
My father got kicked out. 16 years of service, of countless client meetings, of sleepless nights in faraway provinces, of tedious operations and paperwork, everything down the drain just like that.
My father lost the fight.
We lost the fight.
At that time, all I could think about is how unfair it was. How could they do this to us?
Personally, I was quite clueless. I didn’t even know we were getting into a war until it was already over.
I didn’t know all the details because I didn’t want to, as they say, “rub more salt into the wound.”
The following days were very difficult. I woke up to my father silently watching the tv, in the afternoon he’d take a nap, silently sweeping the floor once he woke up, silently drinking coffee at our balcony, silently cooking dinner for all of us…he was just silent.
Every now and then he would update me on what would happen in the coming days but he was silent on how he was feeling inside.
Until this day, I don’t know how he felt after everything that has happened. If it were me, I’d be a wreck. Imagine working for years for that one thing and when you think that it’s beginning to turn out pretty well, everything crumbles to the ground, and fate just deprives you of that thing you thought was rightfully yours.
It pains me to see my father like that.
Then I began to question God. Why does He do these things to us? To people?
He brings our hopes up, guides us within a path we thought He had made for us, only to find out that He’d snatch away all our dreams when it was so close to becoming reality.
I just couldn’t understand.
In those days, I took refuge in His Words. I needed to understand.
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
But where were You in these kinds of battles? Why did we lose this fight? I feel like You have forsaken us. They won and we’ve been thrown into the dumps. How could You tell us to be strong when all our enemies have already stepped on us?
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
We’ve called out to You. Have you heard our prayers? They say that prayers get answered every day, but why can’t I seem to get an answer from You?
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
We’ve been crushed, relentlessly, but why is it that they still stand? Why is it that those who caused our pain are still standing strong? I thought you were a righteous God? Where is justice in all of this? Aren’t we the ones on the right side? Why are we the ones suffering? Why were we placed in the wrong?
Until now, I still don’t understand why it all had to happen.
It was all unfair.
Despite all of these, I still would like to believe that my prayers will be answered sometime in the future.
I still would like to believe that I could find peace of mind in His Words.
I still would like to believe that all of this had a purpose.
So, I apologize for leaving you empty. I don’t have a miracle story just yet. All I have is a story of a girl seeking for hope, seeking for light, and a few Biblical words which she continues to hold dear.
All of us still have unanswered questions, unanswered prayers.
But don’t let your faith waver.
Look forward to that day when all will be answered.
Trust that He will be faithful to His Word.
So right now, I feel like a wreck, I honestly do, but I won’t give up just yet.
And I hope you won’t too.
Have a beautiful Sunday, beautiful people!